Two years ago, I wrote a blog post entitled Modeling the Joy of Judaism in which I proposed that parents together with the Jewish day schools need to inculcate their children with the joy connected to Judaism and with happiness and excitement about the prospect of fulfilling mitzvot. The article reflected on the intensity of the month of Tishrei with the sweet symbolism of Rosh Hashanah, the introspection associated with Yom Kippur, and the unbridled joy of Sukkot and Simchat Torah. These holidays and the related experiences ingrain in our children the meaning and importance of Jewish traditions and values.

We now live in a world in which parents, much more than educators, are influencing how their children learn about and understand the world. The necessity of each family hunkering down in its own abode and being online for almost all outside interactions has intensified the parent-child relationship. Couple that with the fact that the school experience is not able to offer tried and true activities for the Tishrei holidays such as apple-picking and honey tasting, sounding the shofar, building and enjoying a snack with the associated brachot (blessings) in the school sukkah, shaking the lulav and etrog, dancing and singing during the Hoshanot ceremony, and creating Sifrei Torah (Torah Scrolls) from 2-liter soda bottles and rolls of paper. These foundational moments cannot take place this year as in past years and will, at best, be only a pale reflection of a robust communal school experience in crafting the ambiance of the holidays. This year, the hands-on elements of the holiday experience will, by needs, fall mostly on the parents.

First, a note of encouragement to teachers: we all do the most we can for our children under the best of circumstances. In this era of significantly less than the best of circumstances, while we will still do our utmost to serve our students’ needs, we must give ourselves some latitude and let ourselves off the hook if this turns out not to be the strongest educational Tishrei for the young ones. God willing, by next Tishrei, we will make up exceedingly for the areas in which we could not deliver this year.

Turning over the experiential education piece to parents this year is, in itself, a good  thing. The home and the family unit have historically been the center of Jewish life. To invoke some examples from the other side of the Jewish year, this is why the Korban Pesach (Paschal Sacrifice) had to be eaten according to family clans and why the seder traditionally takes place in the home rather than in the synagogue.

Some parents are fully prepared to take on this additional facet of their children’s Jewish education; some are not, either because of lack of knowledge, time, ability, or self-confidence. And that’s okay. The experience of hands-on learning, especially surrounding the Jewish holidays, is not an end in itself. It is a conduit into the multiple emotions embedded in the Tishrei holidays, a way to help the children comprehend God’s grandeur and our connection with the Divine. We hope that our children learn about the seriousness with which we need to take our actions and the effects they may have on others and that they experience unbridled joy in our immutable connection with the Torah.

This is an important takeaway for teachers as well. Perhaps we cannot do the collaborative projects in the same way as we did in the past, but as long as a child is learning, the methodology and certainly the tangible projects are not of ultimate importance.

So even if a parent or a teacher is unable to complete a particular holiday project with their child, they can still imbue into that child a sense of the season by being intentional about exposing the child to deep questions at his or her own developmental level. This can be done by both parents at home or teachers in the classroom—either in person or remotely. Some questions to consider:

• How can we help children introspect at a developmentally appropriate level?

• How can we help children improve their practices of treating others with kindness and compassion?

• How can we help children achieve the level of patience that they are capable of?

• How can we help the children sincerely ask for mechilah (forgiveness) for slights against others this past year?

• How can we help children turn to God with a lev maleh (full heart) that the Divine deserves and that serves humanity well?

• And how can we help children experience pure joy in Judaism that may be more difficult to come by this year?

A great number of positive dispositions can be picked up from adults modeling the behaviors listed above. The best thing we can do for our children is to be our best selves so that they can do as we do, rather than as we say.

And, as we model the dispositions of belief, joy, kindness, and compassion, we can also, to the best of our ability, model grit, and resilience so that our children can internalize approaches that will serve them well, not only in the short term but throughout their lives.

This Tishrei, let us take our children’s and our own needs to heart. Let us do the best we can to live life joyously at this most joyous time of the year and at this time of forgiveness, let us also forgive ourselves for those areas in which we may fall short.

G’mar Chatimah Tovah. May God seal all of us in the books of health, happiness, and peace.